English football is notably parochial, so it’s not really suprising that the Portsmouth fans thought that it was all over, with only six minutes to go. Tony Adams’ inexperience undoubtedly showed here. If he’d done his homework properly he would have realised what half of Europe already knows, that if you get to injury time with Milan losing and Inzaghi on the pitch you leave everything else and put one defender on each of the man’s limbs, because he is going to score, it’s what he does.

Inzaghi, in Europe, with the captain’s armband on ( and I haven’t seen that since he played for Parma in the 90s) and Raul equalling his goal scoring record, there was only going to be one outcome of that situation.

The coverage of the match in England included a special feature on Inzaghi’s movement off the ball. I remember Capello saying once that someone should film Inzaghi during a match, and show it to other forwards as a textbook example of how to be in the right place at the right time. As Pat Nevin, no mean player in his own day, puzzled, “He’s one of the worst players in football, but one of the best goal scorers, ever.”

I don’t know who does the interviews on goal.com but I hope they get danger money, as they took their life in their hands and asked Inzaghi who he thought his heirs would be. You could almost imagine his affronted look, you know, that one he gives linesmen who have the temerity to suggest that the offside rule exists, let alone that he might have infringed it.

Inzaghi thinks that Paloschi, his footballing godchild as the gazetta calls him, is the only person who could possibly equal him. That may be true, but in my opinion Paloschi or anyone else would have to go some to get anywhere near Inzaghi.

Simone got a namecheck in the interview and seven minutes worth of the Rome derby, not really long enough to make much of an impression, but let’s be positive about this, at least he’s getting on.

Even worse though, Ancelotti probably wished he hadn’t put Big Inzaghi on against Lecce. Esposito’s last minute goal was a direct result of Inzaghi’s insouciant approach to marking, you’d have thought he’d have picked something up from playing with Maldini for the last seven years. Never mind, it’s not the end of the world and there’s plenty of the season left to go.

Fortune has smiled on all of us, however, since Big Inzaghi has had his contract renewed for another year, taking it up to the summer of 2010, when he’ll be coming up on 37. Galliani has said that Inzaghi can choose his own time to retire, so if he’s still scoring in 2010, they’ll renew it again. “What joy!” said Inzaghi, unconsciously echoing Bertie Wooster, but sadly he failed to translate that joy into a goal last night, leaving it up to Ronaldhino to save Milan’s blushes against Braga.

One last mention for an honorary Inzaghi boy, Christian Vieri, who looks as if he’ll be available for selection for Atalanta this weekend. I don’t think he’s played since the UEFA Cup last season, and you really have to admire him. Anyone else would have given up and surrendered themselves to a hedonistic life style, but Bobo’s still out there, badmouthing the press and wishing he’d played cricket instead, may he never, ever, even think about retiring.

Inzaghi played for fifteen minutes after replacing Borriello but, unusually, didn’t score and didn’t manage to charm a penalty out of the referee, either. Sometimes you get the feeling that a team isn’t going to score whoever is on, and this was one of those nights, with Kakà having a penalty saved.

In the end it took an own goal (which, unaccountably Pippo failed to claim) from an unlucky Napoli player to give Milan the points. I understand that it was a very exciting last ten minutes but as I had my head down the side of the settee, praying, I couldn’t say for sure.

He obviously scares the bejeezus out of Marco Boriello. That pretty youth had a very average game on Sunday until with ten minutes to go he turned and caught sight of Inzaghi standing on the sidelines, waiting to come on. His instant reaction was to produce an assist for Kaka which led to the only goal of the match.

So, no game for Inzaghi, forced to put his training jersey back on, he appeared a little disgruntled. He did, however, get a consolatory hug from Kaka, which I’d like to think would make up for most minor disappointments.

That’s for January, however, at the moment we are in the throes of the UEFA Cup, with Milan playing Herrenveen, Ruud van Nistelrooy’s old team. Selflessly unconcerned about his record as all time European top scorer, Inzaghi claimed the first Milan goal, straight after giving some uppity Dutch defender a clip around the ear for his impudence. It looks like an own goal to me, but I wouldn’t argue about it.

His second goal, following a rarity from Gattuso, was a standard Inzaghi piece of opportunism, trotting in from the back of the penalty area, like the wily old dog that he is. Three goals in two games, not bad, for this early in the season.

Not content with appearing on the bench, despite a sore leg sustained in the friendly in Albania during the week, he took an active part in coaching, waving his arms like Claudio Abbado and shouting a lot. Finally getting on to the pitch with ten minutes left he scored a fine goal, looking suitable serious during the celebration, as befits an aspiring elder statesman.

The gazetta says that Inzaghi’s agent and Milan are close to an agreement, which is good for them but a disappointment to me. In fact, I was hoping for a free transfer to Los Angeles Galaxy, and the unalloyed pleasure of seeing Inzaghi and Beckham playing together. Inzaghi meeting a Beckham cross, I’ve waited years to see that.

No, I didn’t believe it either, so here it is on you tube, especially for Marina, who seems to be a bit of a Simone fan as well. There’s an interview with the man at the end, in which he looks incredibly fierce, but apparently he’s just lost a relative so hysterical joy might be a little inappropriate.

Peter Mandelson back in the Cabinet, Simone Inzaghi scoring goals in Serie A, we live in extraordinary times.